I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
