Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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