you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
