the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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