Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
