bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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