ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude i'm inner monologue high
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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