hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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