How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize