I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
