dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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