I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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