she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
