I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Congratulations! We have a period
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