awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
