That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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