i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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