Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
