it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
