My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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