i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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