UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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