Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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