yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
