Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
