Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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