Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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