Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
