Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
