Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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