so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
