Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
