But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
