What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
