The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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