you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
