why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
