I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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