I'm sorry my penis didn't work
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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