She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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