So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
