Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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