can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
