woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's blow job season.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Never joke about your clitoris.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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