Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
