I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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