Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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