I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
my liver is dry heaving
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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