I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
