talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he thought i was a dude.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
