I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
