if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
