I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
