How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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