I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize