Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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