A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
