I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
