I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
