We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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