i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize