12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
