Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
