You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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