The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
