You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
