gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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