you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
