Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize