I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
