I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
