Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize