Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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