Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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