I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
