We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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