no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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