Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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