I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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