I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
