i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
