a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
