i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize