I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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