i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
