pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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