I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
