You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
