forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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