The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
