she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
